


this dreadful, terrible 'it'

by commandercosmo



Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy
Genre: Gen, modern au?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 15:57:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11649894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commandercosmo/pseuds/commandercosmo
Summary: Pierre is feeling low. You decide to comfort him.





	this dreadful, terrible 'it'

With Pierre, it was never too hard to tell.

On his good days, he would smile warmly at anyone he saw; his eyes sparkled with familiarity from behind his glasses, and he would often laugh and joke with his friends. On his good days, Pierre was full of life, his presence filling the room, making everyone smile with him.

His bad days, on the other hand… well, Pierre was hardly himself on his bad days.

Pierre would rarely go out on occasions like these. However, if he did, he would still smile at anyone who glanced his way – let it never be said that Pierre was impolite – but his face would be without its warmth, his eyes betraying how he truly felt. He wasn’t as open as he usually was, peferring instead to draw into himself.

What got to you the most, though, was just how… hollow Pierre looked. There was no glow to his face as there usually was. It was instead replaced with dark circles under his eyes, a result of his sleepless nights. On his bad days, Pierre’s face was pale and gaunt. Others would rarely notice – or if they did, they said nothing.

When he got like this, Pierre liked to go out on the roof to look at the stars. You’d never asked him why before – you figured that he would have told you had he wanted to. Tonight, though, you decided that you would join him, should he let you.

“Is there room for one more?” you ask quietly from the window leading to the roof, trying not to startle your friend too much. Pierre does jump a little bit, though, and he hesitates before nodding and scooching over. You smile at him, though you don’t expect him to see – it’s dark out here, the only light coming from the moon and stars above.

As you settle yourself next to him, you pretend you don’t see him wiping away his tears from underneath his glasses.

“I thought you might be able to use some company,” you tell him quietly. He gives you a meek smile before sighing and looking away. The two of you sit in silence for a while, and you admire the clear skies above you. You regard Pierre, too; he’s sitting cross-legged and looking down at his hands.

“Do you want to talk about it? Whatever it is, I’m happy to listen if it will help.” You break the silence, smiling reassuringly at Pierre, hoping to alleviate at least some of his anxiety.

He seems to deflate a little bit, twining and untwining his fingers before giving a half-hearted shrug. Pierre pushes his glasses back up the bridge of his nose, not quite looking at you.

You scoot closer to him. You can feel how warm he is despite the slightly chilly night air, and you have to stop yourself from leaning closer. You compose yourself somewhat before speaking.

“You don’t have to tell me if you’re uncomfortable,” you murmur. “If you want to be alone, that’s okay, too. I can go–”

Before you can finish, one of Pierre’s large hands is on your arm. You look up at him, and he’s looking at you directly for the first time all evening, and God, do his eyes look so _s_ _ad_.

“Please, stay,” he chokes out, his voice evidently scratchy from crying. You nod at him, placing your hand on his and settling down once again. Pierre swallows before continuing.

“It’s just–” He can’t quite finish his thought, dropping his hand from your arm onto the blanket the two of you are sitting on. You can tell that he’s tearful again, and you desperately want to help him.

You place your hand on his, smiling at him. “It’s okay, Pierre. Take your time.”

Pierre squeezes your hand once before letting go so he can play with his fingers yet again. It’s a few moments before he speaks again, his voice low and thick with tears.

“I just… I feel as though I’m undeserving of… all of this,” he says, motioning rather aimlessly around him. “I’ve lived my life… and for what? I have nothing to show for anything I’ve ever done. I sit at home and I drink, and I read.” Pierre sighs and scrubs at his eyes again, looking anywhere but at you. You see the stars reflected in his glasses.

“I want to  _do_  something. Something that makes me deserve to live.” It seems as though Pierre wants to say more, but he stops himself before he closes his lips and swallows rather heavily. He appears to be choking back tears, and his next words come out so quietly you have to strain to hear them.

“I'm… worthless. I don’t deserve to live in a world when so many others are dying each day.”

Pierre has only been looking at his lap this whole time, hiding his face from you. However, you’re unable to miss the few tears that he can’t help shed that roll off his cheeks.

You find that you’re far too nervous to look at your friend while you speak, so instead you turn to address the stars above you. It takes you a few moments to compose yourself and your thoughts.

“Pierre, you’re worth more than all of the stars out there, and you shine twice as brightly as any of them,” you tell him earnestly, trying to get him to understand how much you mean what you’re saying. You find that you’re fighting tears of your own.

“You’re one of the most kindhearted, passionate, smartest people I’ve ever met.” You’ve drawn your knees up to your chest, still not quite speaking directly to Pierre. “I’m so lucky that I know you, and that I have you in my life. I just… I feel so bad that you can’t see that.”

After a few moments of hesitation, you take one of his large hands in both of your own, turning it over so you can kiss his palm. You can taste salt, from when he tried to scrub away his tears. You smile and fold your hand into his, intertwining your fingers, looking up at him.

He’s looking at you, his lips slightly parted. There’s a large enough silence that you begin to panic, thinking that instead of helping, you’d made everything worse.

“God,” you murmur, trying (and failing) not to show your panic. “I’m sorry, Pierre, I– um, I didn’t mean – I mean, I didn't…” You begin to get up, afraid that you’ve irreparably fucked up, but Pierre’s hand on yours makes you stop.

He says nothing when you question him. Instead, he envelops you in a tight hug which is made only slightly awkward due to the fact that you’re both sitting. Still, you bury your head in the crook of his neck, accepting and reciprocating the embrace.

Pierre mumbles your name into your shoulder, and you stroke his back as reassuringly as you can.

“You don’t have to go through it by yourself,” you murmur, squeezing your arms tightly around your friend. “I care about you, Pierre. I don’t want you to feel like you’re alone.”

Pierre shudders, and then sobs, and you realize that he’s crying. You put your hand on his hair, stroking it and untangling some of his curls. He leans into your touch.

“Maybe we should go inside, yeah?” you murmur after his tears have somewhat subsided. You pull back from the embrace and brush a few tears from Pierre’s face. He looks at you sheepishly.

“Yeah…” he says, his voice evidently straining. You give him a small smile.

“Come on. I’ll make you some tea. Maybe something to eat?” You awkwardly climb through the window and back into Pierre’s home. You offer your hand to him as he does the same, which he accepts with a ginger smile.

You spend the rest of the evening with Pierre, trying your best to make him feel better. You think you’ve succeeded – or, at least, you’ve succeeded in assuring that he’s not alone. You know you haven’t fixed everything, but you’re certain that Pierre looks a little less melancholy than you’d found him.

**Author's Note:**

> HEY SO I noticed that there was no reader insert fanfic for Great Comet and decided to write something!! 
> 
> I started writing this on my roof and was on my roof the night I finished it. fun stuff
> 
> i honestly just needed to give some love to Pierre because holy heck that boy needs a good hug


End file.
